The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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