literally had 100 drinks last night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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