i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
