Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
