You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
