I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
