I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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