Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
