anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
