My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
