Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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