i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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