Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
