You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
