so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
