I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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