roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
