i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
