im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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