i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
