i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
