i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
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ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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