Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize