Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
