you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
