tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
