don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
