Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
