if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
