Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
