I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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