what if every blade of grass was a penis?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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