Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
