Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have demons in me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
