Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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