So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
