How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
