When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
