I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's shark week go big or go home
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
