Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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