Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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