You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
