Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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