someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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