I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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