Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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