Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
