five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
