Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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