Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
