You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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