forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
