Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
