We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
