You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
