Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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