i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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