I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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