I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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