So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
