Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
