AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
