so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
