I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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