he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
