I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
