All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
