i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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