I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
