some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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