my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
