i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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