just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
