we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
